Lost to the Wind
by heypandora
Summary: syaoransakura : . On forgetting, wanting to remember, missing home and the you that isn't quite you.


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Princess of Japan is kind. She holds Flower Girl's hand and sings her a lullaby. However, right now she cannot sleep. Her eyes won't stop crying.

Through trembling lips, she whispers, "Just want to go home, just want to go home, just want to go home," because now she remembers home. She misses it ever so much. This, she'll never tell Solider Boy/Hero Boy/Her Boy because she can't go home. There's still so much missing in her memory. They both need the other feathers back. (Her: to survive, to live, to remember, to be the person she sees in memories but isn't her yet. He: to have some glimmer of hope, to have his wonderful and beloved princess back, to truly his love again.)

"I miss my brother, I miss my father," (_What, princess, haven't memories of his death come back yet_?), "I miss my country and the town and the town's people and I miss the high priest and the flower gardens near the ruins." _(Don't think too hard on that one, Princess, you don't want to fall asleep again, do you?)_ "I want so badly – so very, very, very badly – to go home, so why can't I go home – why, why, why, why?"

She's rambling. Princess of Japan strokes her hair and sings to her.

There are no answers to her questions (At least, none she'll like).

"I can't ever go home, can I?" _('No,' Singing Princess knows, 'no you can't. Or, at least, not as the same person who left')_ "Something's still so very, very, very, very much missing and it makes it not-home to me. It won't be the same without it. I'm trying to so hard to remember, Tomoyo, trying so hard to remember what's so dear to me - what makes going home so very, very worth it. I can't remember what makes my heart flutter, fly, transcend and what makes me jump and giggle with joy. I can't that thing. I can't remember it, and it was so dear to me."

_('That boy,' Singing Princess knows, 'that boy is so dear to you')._

"I ask the Witch for that one, one, one, one thing back, but she can't give it back." (_Of course she can't, she took it. She can't give it back. Not now, not ever. It's hers. Those moments of bliss and happiness are hers now. There is nothing a witch would rather have than happiness._) "She tells me the wind's got a hold of it forever and it won't let it go. I asked for the power to catch the wind and she told me the wind can't ever be caught."

Singing Princess strokes her hair and whispers unhelpful things about 'how when it's time' and 'how it's meant to be' and Flower Girl just cries.

When she suddenly falls asleep on the lap of the Singing Princess, she knows she's has finally, finally remembered. Flower Girl had finally remembered picnics in the ruins and sneaking her special person up to her room behind brother's back. She remembers holding hands and sneaking off to ruins even though she really, really shouldn't.

But, oh, she knows that those precious moments won't be remembered in the morning. They'll be lost, as the Witch says, to the wind by them. Flower Girl was just borrowing them for a time. Hell, she probably want remember talking to, being sang to by Singing Princess, crying in her lap and getting her formal wear all wet and that's okay. No one should be forced to remember feeling that alone/sad/lost in their lives.

Princess of Japan prays to the Gods that they made up for all the tears with having her remember something pure and wonderful, if only for a moment. She prays that Flower Girl remembers the feeling of happiness, of joy and of bliss if nothing else. That the feeling of almost-warmth let's her feel just a little, little less lonely in the morn.

It won't. That girl will be as alone in the morning as she was tonight. Fate is cruel to her.

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**DISCLAIMER: LOLNOTMINE.**

WhatthefuckdidIjustdo? Sakura angst should not exist so I beg you all to forgive me. In my head, this started out as 'cute fic wherein Sakura wants to go home but can't because she's not the same without her memories of Syaoran'. Tomoyo, how the hell did you get in there (besides the fact you are totally awesome)? Note to self: Use people's names moar. Flower Girl is Sakura. Singing Princess/Princess of Japan is Tomoyo. Solider Boy/Hero Boy/Her Boy is Syaoran


End file.
